Red
by Izaila
Summary: Red was always her color.


The light of the fading sun reflecting on her skin. The color of the scarf she always wore. The blood of her enemies.

Red was always her color.

She walked down the winding corridor from the tower leaving her replacement to their guard duty. Darkness had fallen over the castle. Quiet. Her breath barely a whisper. This was how she liked it.

Darkness.

It shrouded her life like an inky veil, consuming her soul. Escape was futile.

Her fellow soldiers admired and respected her.

How?

She did not have an answer for that. The little girl who enjoyed life and smiled so freely was gone.

Beneath her strong, tough exterior was a hell…a hell where a world dominated by titans couldn't scratch the surface.

Guilt. Anger. Fear.

It was swallowing her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. A light. Her way out. One small hope to get her to the surface…if only for a moment.

"I can't…not here" she breathed.

Tears threatened to break, but she held fast. The stables finally in her sight _. Don't let go. Just a little longer._

Grabbing the beam as she stopped abruptly, she clung to it. The dam broken. Her composure faltering. She was no longer the soldier her friends could look up to. All that remains now is a shell. The frightened girl whose peaceful life was torn apart by death and destruction has returned.

She pushed away from the bean and hid within the safety of the supply room. Settling in a corner behind the rows or saddles, she attempted to shield herself from the world and to break free from the shadows that lurked in her heart.

In the left pocket of her jacket, she carried a piece of cloth. The cloth protecting what remained of her blade after reclaiming Trost. It shined in the moonlight offering a promise of relief. And she took it.

She shoved the fabric covering her arm back, old scars glistening in the luminescent rays. Pausing for only a moment, she remembered. She needed to breathe. The weight of her sins were slowly suffocating her.

With the thin piece of metal in her hand, she pressed into delicate skin. The drag, slow and steady. Red peeking through. A gasp of air. She can breathe again. Tears break free once more. Thoughts clear. Breathing slows. She's free.

Line after line becomes blurred. Blood painting her own personal canvas. She gradually climbs her way out of her hell. Peace surrounds her. Hope is found in pain. Pain means she's alive. Not just a shell, but a person. _I am somebody. I'm…_

"Mikasa…"

Fear.

Panic flowed through my veins. I froze hoping that he would just turn around and act like he didn't just witnessed me ripping my flesh. He didn't. He inched closer, every step calculated as if I would run off like a frightened deer. I wouldn't. I couldn't. It's too late. I've been caught. There's no turning back. Not with him knowing my secret.

He knelt down in front of me. His stare piercing through to my soul. I do not dare to look up. One look into those eyes, and my shell will completely shatter. I can't. Not in front of him.

He shuffles and scoots until he's sitting right next to me. His presence looming. He leans back against the wall and settles in. He's not going to leave. I can only wait for what's to come. But it doesn't.

"Mikasa"

His voice. It's not shaky anymore. There's no pity or disappointment. It's strong and…

Warmth.

His hand envelops mine. Heat courses through my body. I don't understand. I feel…I feel…

The cloud lurking within the deepest parts of my mind has vanished.

Movement.

I tighten the hold on my blade. He can't take this from me. I won't let him.

It never comes.

His hand slides under my chin willing me to look at him. I can't fight it this time. Silver pools meet green. A green that rivals the beauty of emeralds. A green that can't be described, only felt. My soul felt the intensity and meaning behind those eyes. The shell that protected me was shattered. And again, he was here to pick up the pieces…to wrap my scarf around my broken body.

The eyes that held so much hatred for the titans and our enemies now appeared softer. There was something deep in those shining orbs that I couldn't recognize. It warmed my heart in ways my tiny blade could not. What is this? Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this. I'm not worthy of…

That's it…that's what this is…

 _Love._

 _Red was always my color._

* * *

Please feel free to leave any critiques or suggestions so I can continue to improve my writing. It's been years since I've tried writing, and I know I'm rusty. This is first time I have been willing to share my work with people I don't know. I hope yall enjoy!


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